Envy's Love Adventure
by xPandaAngelx
Summary: AU- Envy the genderless palm tree goes on a weird, funny, and maybe a bit disturbing adventure to find love or peace in life. Join Envy and his ham loving best friend Pride throughout this fabulous adventure! Review, Follow or Fav and i'll give you a shout out! Rated T for Foul Language, possible drug use and sexual references.


**Summary:** AU- Envy the genderless palm tree goes on a weird, funny, and maybe a bit disturbing adventure to find love or peace in life. Join Envy and his ham loving best friend Pride throughout this fabulous adventure!

**Disclaimer: "I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist…if I did we all would be screwed" - xPandaAngelx**

**Chapter 1**

**Envy's Love Adventure**

**Envy Pov:**

Me and my wonderful boyfriend Alphonse was taking our usual stroll around the forest. However Alphonse seemed somewhat distance today which made me wonder...was it the stew I made I know I was out of carrots and the stew wasn't perfect so bear with me!

At first I thought that was the reason well I was definitely in for a surprise that night if only I knew that.

Me and Al were having dinner which was raw potatoes not sliced or cooked just plain potatoes which were my favorites and they were delicious I ate twelve of deliciousness while Alphonse only ate two... something was definitely wrong.

"Alphonse are you okay?" I asked worried.

"...Why do you ask?" Alphonse asked avoiding my question.

"Well you've been acting strange and I'm getting worried." I said while he sighed in response and walked to the door

"Well...actually there is something wrong..."He said opening the door to see Winry who hugged him and kissed his cheek.

"You're really asking for it. I SWEAR BITCH I WILL GO APE FUCKING 927 ON YOU!" I growled at her ready to rip her head off before Alphonse stopped me

"This is what's wrong...i'm leaving you for Winry."He said not looking at me

"B-but why A-alph-honse?" I asked.

"I just...don't love you anymore...in fact I never loved you." He said with no emotion at all.

"All those times times you said you loved me…that was lies?!" I asked tears forming in my eyes.

"Yeah. I just said that can you not hear? "He asked. "Read my lips. I used you, get over it. Oh and you suck at oral." He said before himself and Winry left leaving me heartbroken as I dropped to the floor and cried my eyes out.

I finally got up and went into now just my bedroom where I took a shower and put on a black v neck shirt, black jeans and black sneakers. "I'll get over that jerk and I'll do it while being cool." I said to myself before walking out of my house and going to the place that will be my now new favorite place; the bar down the street.

I sat down and ordered a couple Martini's before someone sat next me. It was great his name was Gluttony and he's here visiting. For most of the night we just talked about soup until we went to his place and played monopoly all night which was awesome.

**The Next Day:**

I quietly walked out of Gluttony's house with a confused expression on my face because…..well I was confused was I supports to be happy, sad, I just didn't know anymore.

I opened my door to find my good friend Pride raiding my fridge for ham. I'm so happy that he's here I can finally talk to someone who will understand me. We both sat down as began my story of these past few days and I asked for his advice "I think you should...follow the heart of the ham it will help you." He said before leaving with my ham "Thanks Pride I know exactly what to do now." I whispered while grinning like an idiot well who wouldn't be happy when they have found there place in this world.

**Two weeks Later:**

It took a lot of planning but everything was ready I was standing in front of the priest with my beautiful wife beside me "I love you now and I will always love you Hammy my dear." I said holding up my now wife as we started to make our way to the door together. Everything is complete, my heart, my soul, my hunger, my everything all because of my beautiful wife Hammy.

**Two days Later:**

"Guilty! You're going to prison for the homicide of Hammy ham Hamm!" The judge yelled at me as an officer put the handcuffs on.

Yes I admit it I killed my wife...and I don't regret it because of how delicious she was and she was going bad so that would be a waste of a good ham. However I still love her and I'll always will.

"I wonder what prisons going to be like….wait-WHAT PRISON?! THE HELL? GET OFF MEE YOU BASTARDS! IT WASEN'T ME IT WAS SLOTH! RIGHT PRIDE COME ON BUDDY HELP ME OUT HERE" I yelled to Pride how was currently stuffing his face with ham while giving me a thumbs up.

"A thumbs up really?! Thanks for helping me out best friend! YOU ASSHOLE!" I screamed as the officers pulled me out of the courtroom.

Well I wonder what will happen next since my life isn't so complete anymore.


End file.
